I hate Tinder sometimes.

No. 

 

ECW, again?

It’s been nearly 16 months since I last spoke to ECW, but he likes to appear in my life again from time to time…

Today:

8:34pm: Still ignoring me?

10:15pm: ???9

10:15pm: ????

10:15pm: ???

10:15pm: Why so serious?

Ok creeper, get over it. I’m not talking to you any more.

ECW Briefly Appears

What’s up with all the guys who reappear in my life after long, and happy, blissful time apart?

The day before Thanksgiving, ECW decided to text me.

4:42pm: Hi
5:11pm: Y u ignore me

I ignored you because you obviously didn’t get a clue when I shut the door in your face.

If you throw a dog a bone, they’ll inevitably follow you home.

Please stop bothering me, I’d like to forget you exist.

The Creeper Return of BRG

I hate to pity someone, but I really pity BRG.

Although I cut him off, I’ve been contacted by him, now, on two separate occasions.

The first time, it was a week after I broke it off with him. He was at a bar near my apartment and texted me to say that he was down the street. I’m not sure what his goal was, but I ignored it.

This time was far more creepy. I received a Facebook message form him telling me that he had lost my phone number, and was “fb-stalking” me and asked me how life was.

Why? Why would he even do this!? We went on FOUR dates, over THREE months ago. How strange is it to get stuck on someone to the point that you reach out again.

Strangely, this is not the first time this has happened to me. I don’t know what it is with men and coming back to me. But if I tell you to go away, can you please just go away?

Love, Anon.

DC Annoys Me Briefly

The conference that DC and I had met at last year was this week, and lo and behold, on Instagram he posts a Throwback Thursday (#TBT) that is of a photo that I took of him and says “#tbt to that time I decided to sip the conference and have one oft he most unique experiences of my life.”

COUGH. Really?

I was the one that gave you that experience.

You chose to completely ignore me after I went out of my way to see you for your birthday.

You KNOW I follow you on Instagram (and I’m stubborn enough to not unfollow him).

And yet you decide to post that?

Really really annoying.

Sometimes you can’t help who you crushed on in the past.

Love, Anon

Just won’t leave me alone.

After 500 days, I hoped that it would be over, but in reality, nothing can ever be that simple.

During one particular weak moment I did meet up with him, but he said something to me that turned off a switch in me. He said “we’re both just having fun.” (Translation: No Strings Attached.)

Since that moment I have ignored him for months. In fact, after 3 texts from him, I deleted them all.

It’s a wonder that he had the audacity to say that to me (and me to cold shoulder him immediately) and think that we would continue the way we were.

No mister, no.

So this I truly ended my FWB run solidly back in 2013.

Ok, this is out of control: “Harvard Harvard” stupidly appears again.

Ok, months… MONTHS after HE broke it off with me, “Harvard Harvard” just tried to add me to LinkedIn.

That’s insane right?

Yes, I’m going to go with he’s out of his mind.

Trojan (Horse)

In early July I was connected with a nice looking guy on Coffee Meets Bagel. It was busy month for me. I was traveling to Chicago quite a bit and it was a struggle to schedule time for a date. So, because we had to push it so far back, I had lost momentum for being excited about the date, particularly on the day of the date.

So this is how I began my 1 week, 15 hour (5 hour each) fling with the Trojan (Horse).

Date 1: Monday

After a long day at the office, all I wanted to do was go home, put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and eat ice cream on my couch. I even said this to my boss.

Well instead, I went home, freshened up, and went to a cute speakeasy type bar and waited for the guy.

He arrived and we hit it off immediately. We talked everything from where we grew up, what we liked, travels, family. It just felt so comfortable. After 2 drinks, he asked if I wanted dinner and I agreed and so we went to get some food.

Oh, so I nicknamed him “Trojan” because he went to USC. Fitting for this tale.

Anyway, after a great meal at a casual and cozy hole in the wall, we go to look for a cab so I can head home. Unfortunately (or was it “fortunately”!?) I wasn’t able to find one so he asks if I wanted another drink. We go to a casual Mexican place where I got us some Lagunitas.

I left the date feeling pretty good about it. Especially when he messaged me for another date nearly immediately.

Date 2: Wednesday

So for the second date, I suggested that we go see Argo at Hudson River Flicks. I go home, change, pack some snacks, and then head over to the park. He had found a nice spot, so I laid out my blanket and we laid out chatting. The movie starts and it begins to get cold, so he’s trying to keep me warm. We end up going to dinner nearby, he wants to kill me because I’m walking around with a blanket around my shoulders (it was cold!) but he thought I “looked homeless.” (In retrospect: what a dick).

He ends up walking me all the way home and I don’t let him come upstairs, but he kisses me. Hm. That kiss was pretty bad… but maybe it was just a bad first kiss?

Date 3: Sunday

So for our third date, he suggested that we go to the High Line. He was new-ish to the city and hadn’t been yet. So we meet, walk through the High Line, stop in at a restaurant for him to grab a bite to eat (I had eaten earlier). Then we walked over to Chelsea Piers where he and I kissed (hmm… more on that later), then walked to the High Line Hotel to get coffee at Intelligentsia.

After that, he went home from 9th Ave and I walked home.

“Random” Run-in: Wednesday the week after

From then, I hadn’t heard from him in 3 days after the last date. I figured he had ghosted out on me. I did some snooping and saw that he may attend a happy hour on a hotel rooftop. I went. What happened? YES, I ran into him.

It was incredibly awkward. Again, in retrospect, I was the one that made it awkward. I pretended like I was hesitant to see him. I didn’t play it cool and just overall acted weird. I kind of wish I had played it off like whatever. I tried to message him to fix it, but it didn’t work. It was done.

Ok, but can you teach a guy how to kiss?

It’s a hard question. I have to wonder how many woman that “Trojan” had kissed. Had he ever gotten any feedback? I mean… open your mouth a little, um, get a little bit more moisture in there… like… that is a really really really bad kiss.

Good Riddance

3 dates, 15 hours total, 3 VERY BAD kisses… and 1 awkward run in at a hotel rooftop party, it was over. The whirlwind romance was over. He was a Trojan (Horse).

 

 

The Unlikely Playboy “Harvard Harvard” reappears

Big surprise. “Harvard Harvard” makes an appearance.

I got a Facebook message from him. I mean… ok. Sure? It was kind of long, I posted it here for your reading pleasure:

My friend convinced me to turn on my long dormant OKC account, and coincidentally, you showed up on my first page. In the least, I felt that was enough of a sign to say hello and wish you a happy new year. I do realize things didn’t exactly end awesomely back in September, but I wanted to say hi none the less. In most situations like that, you’d probably just think “what an jerk” and leave it at that. Understandable, and my only hope is that I didn’t cause too much stress or grief in the end. Definitely not the intention, in the least.

I had what you might call a “rough” holiday break, so I found that since I got back to the city I’ve really appreciated being able to keep in touch with friends, and even those that might not necessarily wanted to keep in touch with me. So, hi!

In any event, I hope things are going well with you. Perhaps we’ll bump into each other somewhere in Gramercy.

Oh damn.

First of all, he goes through this whole ego-trip thinking that he destroyed my life by breaking up with me… and then goes into how he has his rough holiday (did some investigating – his dad passed away suddenly – very sad, but I don’t know if it warranted reaching out to me).

He also sent me a message on OKCupid.

Um, please stop… please please stop.

Love,
Anon.

Oh no, the Small Banana returns

About a year and a half, two years ago, I dated this guy I had met at my friend’s birthday party. He was a little bit older (29 – I was 25) and we had hit it off at the party. At the party, I was trying to convince my friend to go to yoga with me, and he volunteered himself to join me.

So, I did my first and LAST yoga date ever. We went to ramen afterwards, and I felt absolutely disgusting. Anyway, we went on a few dates after that, nothing big… um, and I’m not just referring to the dates, also to his um, equipment.

Ok, I really shouldn’t go there, the poor guy, I was nice for the most part about it, but I phased him out completely within a little over a month.

Anyway, I had joined a mentorship program and on day 1, right after I had met my mentee for the first time ever… I spotted him… meeting his mentee for the first time.

Of course, I went with my first gut reaction.

I hid.

Behind my mentee.

She was like “what are you doing!?” (as nicely as you could say it to someone you had just met).

“That guy! That guy over there! I dated him a few years ago!”

Of course he saw me. How could he not? We were going on the same trip up state with all the mentees. Of course he came over to talk to me like “hello how are you?” and creepily ask if I still lived in the same apartment… (ooh, chills just thinking about it).

Sigh, it’s going to be a long year in the mentorship program.

Love, Anon.