YOHT – You Only Harvard Twice

I made this decision not to blog about dating while I was dating because I felt I would jinx everything. I’m kind of wishing I did make this a series, because it really does suck to only have 1 post about it. Oh well, here goes…

A guy started messaging me on OkCupid and he seemed nice and normal. No red flags.

For our first date, he wanted to meet at a nice bar for cocktails. I wasn’t terribly excited about this date, I even said so as I was leaving, but I knew I should go anyway.

I went to meet him, and unknowingly, on my walk there, he walked in front of me. I recognized him from the photos and… my heart sank. I thought “this guy? This is not going to work.” He had a bit of a slouch, and was dressed a little drab… so I called my best friend and her husband picked up. I explained the situation and him “what do I do!?” He said “you’re in NYC, do whatever you want, stand him up!” I couldn’t bring myself to do it, he was already at the bar. So her husband said that I could text him to give me the “emergency call” to escape.

Well, the date went surprisingly well. It turns out that I liked him – a lot. He was easy to talk to, we had some good laughs, good drinks. He told me that he’d like to see me again, and we went our separate ways.

We planned our second date and ended up at a nice whisky bar. We had a bunch of different tastes and chatted. We were talking about how he had moved to Brooklyn and now lived alone, but he had lived in Gramercy with a roommate – actually quite close to me – and we talked about how he made his big move to Brooklyn. He said, in typical guy fashion, that he told his roommate that he was moving to Brooklyn and that was that. But, him and his roommate were still very good friends. I asked him how he met his roommate… and…

I’m not sure if you’re familiar with this, but have you ever noticed that anyone who has gone to Harvard has to drop the H bomb within the first hour of meeting you? Well, I knew that this guy had gone to Harvard from the first date.

The guy said “I met my roommate at Harvard.”

Then a light bulb went off in my head.

I go “Did you live on 23rd and 2nd?”

He goes “yes?”

I go “Did you live on the northwest corner of 23rd and 2nd? in the tall building?”

He goes “yes…?”

I asked him what his roommates name was…

As soon as he said his roommates name, a wave of absolute DREAD came over me. I actually turned away from him and had a reaction.

Remember the unlikely playboy “Harvard Harvard”?

He first appeared in my life here and then briefly re-appeared here and here?

Well, life has a funny way of bringing people back into my life that I do not want to see.

This guy had been roommates with – OF ALL PEOPLE – “Harvard Harvard” – and I had actually MET this guy before. In his own damn apartment!

So from here I had nicknamed this guy “Harvard Two.”

So two years prior, I had dated “Harvard Two’s” roommate… “Harvard Harvard.” Seriously. Have I dated SO MANY PEOPLE in New York that I now had to date the roommates of people I had dated previously?

Or wait, was “Harvard Harvard” sending his roommate after me… after the 2 other times he had managed to reappear in my life? AND two years later!?

Well, we managed to get past the roommate thing quickly. We dated for a little over two months, but Harvard Two drove me a bit crazy – he was a TERRIBLE texter, and relied on me for keeping the conversation going. He was also not so great… in the sack. But I liked him, and he was sweet and nice. I should’ve known that sweet and nice does not a relationship make.

Unfortunately, without a “fuck yeah!” feeling nor him ever “defining the relationship” it fell apart quickly. By the holidays, I was already upset that he wasn’t texting me… and I actually thought he had ghosted out on me when he didn’t text me for 6 days.

He did text me and I wondered “ok, so if he wasn’t into me… he wouldn’t text me right? but… that was incredibly annoying… he DIDN’T TEXT ME FOR 6 DAYS!”

We set a date to meet the Friday after New Year’s… and when I texted him on Friday to see if he was still free he sent me the following message:

“Hey, I’ve had some time to think, I like you and have had fun, but don’t really feel like I see this going anywhere. I don’t want to lead you on, and hope there’s no hard feelings”

(Terrible run on for a guy who writes for a living…)

Do you recognize this message?

It’s very similar to the much longer message that “Harvard Harvard” or as I refer to him now “Original Harvard” wrote two years ago.

How did I respond?

“Cool. See you around then.”

It’s weird to feel tremendous relief after being dumped, but I was not feeling this guy. I guess I was “cuffing” him for the cold winter, but terrible idea. I’m over it.

At least for now – I will not be dating any more Harvard men. I actually went to Boston this past weekend and vistied Harvard and ran around kicking things (gently, Harvard is old).

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME.

So YOHT – You Only Harvard Twice. (or really thrice in this case… Harvard Harvard and… Harvard).

Love,
Anon.

3 Dates, 1 Outfit.

Decided to save myself from date outfit nightmare by wearing same outfit on every first date (and will do the same on second dates and so on).

Well, I had 3 first dates this week… which means wearing the same outfit 3 times.

Men, for some odd reason, are enamored by black coated jeans. Maybe it’s because they look like leather and leather is “hot?” I don’t know. But a sweater with a sexy shoulder cut out and big ribbon bow on the shoulder in addition to coated black jeans is a great choice. Pair with studded ankle boots and a black beanie, you look like a glam girl straight out of a magazine.

I’ll have to make another good choice for date 2, but will most likely go with a skirt to show off my legs. Of course.

Love,
Anon

Staten Island should’ve been a clue

Decided to just go on a random Tinder date the other night. Didn’t have other plans and the guy seemed like a cutie.

Well, that’s how I ended up on a date with a Staten Island Middle School Gym Teacher.

So cute, so… Well let’s just say that he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Anyway, after drinking 3 beers and not eating a single thing beforehand, it was quite easy to say I was not… Sober

We left the bar, made out in the street (great kisser, all the um… pretty ones turn out to be great kissers), then he tried to walk me home in the rain. Sadly, I had lost my umbrella at the bar that night.

Ok, I got a little drunky face and left my umbrella there. I admit it.

Anyway, I am sure at one point he tried to cover me with his jacket to which I condescendingly said something along the lines of “no, I got this.”

Boom. Independent woman makes a strong showing.

Then he proceeded to follow me a bit before we made out on the sidewalk, I told him that I was bad news and he was bad news and then left him there and ran away.

He messaged me that he was hurt I left him. I told him I was a jerk. He said he was thinking about why he was bad news. I said, he never had a chance. He said “you blew it” and I managed to say

Honey, I blow a lot of things, but I did not blow that 😉

Wow, I don’t know where I get these lines but I’m a little too proud of that one.

Goodnight Staten Island. Farewell.

Paging Dr. Late Night (Part 1)

It’s fascinating when you become attracted to someone’s photo that you decide “I HAVE TO MEET THIS PERSON!” despite knowing absolutely nothing about them.

For me, Dr. Late Night, aged 34, had an endearing look to him. On Tinder.

Yes, I know, I shouldn’t have expected too much from Tinder, and honestly after my first dating experience from it, I was impressed.

Dr. Late Night and I had a short chat back and forth one Sunday afternoon. The conversation died quickly, but the next day I was determined to start it back up. Simply “Hey there :).” Well, he didn’t respond until after 2am the next day… But with a nice message:

I’m up late working tonight but thought I’d say hi even though I think you’re probably asleep 🙂

I decided to ask him out since I didn’t want to do any back and forth.

On Tuesday, we decided on Thursday night, but late since he had softball and I sent him my number. We texted for a hot second, and then it stopped. I didn’t hear from him all Wednesday, and it wasn’t until late afternoon Thursday that he messaged me VIA THE APP. Kind of weird since I have him my phone number, but ok…

So, this was while I was out doing my nails. He asked if he could call and I needed to finish up. I didn’t want to tell him that I was getting my nails done, so I said that I was with a friend and saying goodbye and needed 15 min to finish up.

Well, he got excited because he told me that his friend dropped in unexpectedly in town and he wanted to know if my friend wanted to continue to hang with me and join him and his friend for drinks.

I frantically called my friend, Y, to come with me. She was nice enough to oblige.

Well, we went to Fat Cat (bleh) but had a blast playing ping pong and pool.

Dr. Late Night was, you guessed it, a doctor – pediatrician. He had crazy hours since he was in a fellowship. So late nights were what worked for him and later I found out, he barely sleeps – so strange.

After Fat Cat, he kicked his friend to the curb, and I kicked Y to the curb. We went back to his place and hung out for a little bit before I went home.

To be continued…

Love, anon

Too Much Tongue, Blueberry Gum

I should’ve known immediately that this would not work.

Blonde, Jewish. When we cheers he said “Mazel Tov” and explained it was because he is Jewish.

I’m sorry, but cheers in Hebrew is “L’chaim.”

This says the extremely not Jewish woman.

Anyway, he took me to his “favorite quiet place” in the city and proceeded to jam his tongue down my throat to which his breath? mouth? It just tasted like blueberry gum.

Please. Don’t do this to anyone. EVER.

Needless to say, that was over in a hot second. Did not ever respond to his text but really wanted to say “no thank you, your blueberry gym breath was violating and please just don’t jam your tongue down someone’s throat. Ew.”

The BRG aka ‘Boring Russian Guy’

It always sucks when you meet someone with so much potential and it falls flat very quickly.

Chemistry either happens or most likely won’t ever happen. If you think about it, chemistry can be positive or negative, but it has to evoke some sort of emotion from you.

The minute you meet someone and even though they are nice and a great person, if you feel that “meh” feeling, then they’re probably not the right person for you.

BRG was a total sweetheart and a great guy. The problem was, I didn’t feel one way or another about him. Even when we kissed, nothing.

We went on a few dates, but after awhile it become very clear that he was much more into me than I was into him.

Even more, I began to resent his voice, the way he spoke, and even the way he walked. I just did not like this guy.

Plus he was just BORING.

I ended up text rejecting him. Terrible I know, but lesson learned. If there isn’t a little spark there, or any excitement the next day, let him go.

An Introduction to The Russian

Dating a Russian guy now. It’s very Sex and the City.

5’10”, blonde, blue eyes, and very smart. Born in Moscow.

I wonder how this will go!

That d*mn photo of “Jersey Shore” and me…

Did I ever mention that I found that photo of “Jersey Shore” and me years later?

I attended a macaron making class at the dessert place we went to and lo and behold… on that wall… was the photo. The poor guy and me still stuck on their wall 3 years later.

I would show you the photo, but it’d defeat the purpose of this blog being anonymous.

I asked for a sharpie and wrote “I came here on a blind date and all I got was this photo.”

Sigh. That restaurant doesn’t exist anymore. I hope they tossed those photos.

Love, Anon.

Trojan (Horse)

In early July I was connected with a nice looking guy on Coffee Meets Bagel. It was busy month for me. I was traveling to Chicago quite a bit and it was a struggle to schedule time for a date. So, because we had to push it so far back, I had lost momentum for being excited about the date, particularly on the day of the date.

So this is how I began my 1 week, 15 hour (5 hour each) fling with the Trojan (Horse).

Date 1: Monday

After a long day at the office, all I wanted to do was go home, put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and eat ice cream on my couch. I even said this to my boss.

Well instead, I went home, freshened up, and went to a cute speakeasy type bar and waited for the guy.

He arrived and we hit it off immediately. We talked everything from where we grew up, what we liked, travels, family. It just felt so comfortable. After 2 drinks, he asked if I wanted dinner and I agreed and so we went to get some food.

Oh, so I nicknamed him “Trojan” because he went to USC. Fitting for this tale.

Anyway, after a great meal at a casual and cozy hole in the wall, we go to look for a cab so I can head home. Unfortunately (or was it “fortunately”!?) I wasn’t able to find one so he asks if I wanted another drink. We go to a casual Mexican place where I got us some Lagunitas.

I left the date feeling pretty good about it. Especially when he messaged me for another date nearly immediately.

Date 2: Wednesday

So for the second date, I suggested that we go see Argo at Hudson River Flicks. I go home, change, pack some snacks, and then head over to the park. He had found a nice spot, so I laid out my blanket and we laid out chatting. The movie starts and it begins to get cold, so he’s trying to keep me warm. We end up going to dinner nearby, he wants to kill me because I’m walking around with a blanket around my shoulders (it was cold!) but he thought I “looked homeless.” (In retrospect: what a dick).

He ends up walking me all the way home and I don’t let him come upstairs, but he kisses me. Hm. That kiss was pretty bad… but maybe it was just a bad first kiss?

Date 3: Sunday

So for our third date, he suggested that we go to the High Line. He was new-ish to the city and hadn’t been yet. So we meet, walk through the High Line, stop in at a restaurant for him to grab a bite to eat (I had eaten earlier). Then we walked over to Chelsea Piers where he and I kissed (hmm… more on that later), then walked to the High Line Hotel to get coffee at Intelligentsia.

After that, he went home from 9th Ave and I walked home.

“Random” Run-in: Wednesday the week after

From then, I hadn’t heard from him in 3 days after the last date. I figured he had ghosted out on me. I did some snooping and saw that he may attend a happy hour on a hotel rooftop. I went. What happened? YES, I ran into him.

It was incredibly awkward. Again, in retrospect, I was the one that made it awkward. I pretended like I was hesitant to see him. I didn’t play it cool and just overall acted weird. I kind of wish I had played it off like whatever. I tried to message him to fix it, but it didn’t work. It was done.

Ok, but can you teach a guy how to kiss?

It’s a hard question. I have to wonder how many woman that “Trojan” had kissed. Had he ever gotten any feedback? I mean… open your mouth a little, um, get a little bit more moisture in there… like… that is a really really really bad kiss.

Good Riddance

3 dates, 15 hours total, 3 VERY BAD kisses… and 1 awkward run in at a hotel rooftop party, it was over. The whirlwind romance was over. He was a Trojan (Horse).

 

 

Recap from “My Last Minute Date”

The last time I truly posted on this blog, I was talking about a guy that seemed to be promising. From what I remember, I actually ended up going on 3 dates with him. Not bad, but enough to tell me that I wasn’t interested.

Let’s recap.

For Date 1 he met me in Madison Square Park and he had FLOWERS. The poor sap brought me roses. (Which is why I sometimes refer to him as “Roses”). Talk about the pressure is ON. Let me tell you, the one thing I truly believe in is: casual first dates. When there’s too much pressure on a first date, everything always seems to be doomed.

I’m trying to rack my brain about what I originally liked about this guy from talking to him. I think mostly the fact that he was kind of nerdy. Well that translated to a lot of nerdy when I met him. That’s cool though, I’m a power nerd at heart too.

Well he had driven to the city, and wanted to take me to a tapas restaurant (which is still my favorite tapas place in the city). Well, it’s literally down my street, although several blocks from my apartment. The poor guy was so nervous he kept making the wrong turn. It was kind of silly… I think he was practically shaking in the car. I like that I have the ability to make someone shake and be nervous, but this was absurd (and I love that’s what sticks out most in my memory).

Dinner itself was unmemorable, but I do remember we set up a second date to go to a Mexican place uptown for brunch. That was pretty plain. Nothing special (again, don’t remember much).

The third date was THE WORST. The poor guy couldn’t get up the nerve to even touch me (like even put his arm around me, touch my back when we were walking etc.). We ended up going to a garden and walking around. It was ok, but in all honesty, the poor guy was so nervous it was like talking to… what I recall saying multiple times to multiple people – CARDBOARD. Maybe a brick wall?

Of course this is a problem for people who are trying to date – nothing to say!

So it’s obvious that this did not work out.

Thoughts: Poor guy did not have a chance. The poor guy needs to get over his nervousness!