Failing Friends with Benefits (Part 4)

So the story doesn’t end. Maybe there will be more installments, but only because I have extremely weak willpower.

As much as I wanted to walk away from the situation, I allowed it to get worse. I got my emotions involved and felt like trash in the end.

He messaged me a few days later and asked why he didn’t have my number (remember, we were on Facebook messages this whole time…) So over 24 hours, I got another old co-worker (yes, the one that was barfed on) to write my number on a post-it and stick it onto his desk without saying a word.

So he started texting me that evening.

I got dressed up to the nines (let’s just say I got a lot of comments on my hot skirt) and went to another happy hour with the old company. He wasn’t there!!

I got a message from him saying he could meet up later that night and it wasn’t until around 10pm that I heard from him again. Essentially I told him I was headed home and he said he needed another hour. Closer to 11, I said if he promised to come over and just watch a movie, I’d allow it, otherwise he should go home. He said he could do that, but why just watch a movie? I responded because that’s how I was feeling.

Then an hour goes by. Nothing. Another hour. Then I go to sleep.

I wake up around 3:30am and see a message from him. Sometime around 1:22am, I see “Sleepy?” from him.

The following convo happened:

1:22am, ECW: Sleepy?
3:28am, me: I am floored you had the nerve to still text me. Give me a good reason why I should even bother to keep talking to you?
3:30am, ECW: I wasn’t trying to offend. It’s been an unusually busy week for me and I haven’t been able to hang on short notice.
3:31am, me: I don’t even know what to say besides that I was honestly at a loss when I saw your text.
3:31am, me: I mean seriously, WTF?
3:33am, ECW: I am sorry : ( It was really not my intention to offend even though I do understand completely why you are.
3:36am, me: You know, I didn’t and don’t have any expectations for whatever the hell we’re doing. It’s been fun, but I don’t like to be treated like an afterthought for any reason. I’m struggling to…
3:47am, ECW: No no, it’s not like that.. Believe me when I tell you it’s been an abnormally busy couple of weeks on my end.
3:48am, me: Auuggghh, I hate texting this kind of stuff I don’t know how to express what I want to say
3:49am, ECW: I know, I am sorry.
3:51am, me: You know what’s worse? All I want is to hear that in person,
3:55am, ECW: Like, right now??
3:57am, me: I don’t know.
3:59am, ECW: Hmm

And that’s how the convo ended. I went to sleep angry. On one hand I wanted him to make a grand gesture and come down to my apartment to plead my forgiveness but that would be a total bitch move, also, he’s not even my grand gesture guy (ie: long term romantic relationship guy).

The next day I was still fuming a bit, but it was fine. I stopped in at the old office to drop off something, but avoided seeing him. When I was told he had left I texted him to see if I could say something to his face, but he was on his way out of the city.

I then said “Sigh. Fine. I… I don’t know… Mad at myself.” Then “Have a nice weekend.” The last thing he wrote was “Why are you mad at yourself?” And I deleted the whole convo.

I just got really upset that I allowed myself to get into a situation where I felt like trash and I started it! I was the one that perpetuated everything.

Anyway, I know I will hear from him again, but it’s a matter of when. It’s up to me whether I’ve closed that door or not. Sadly, if he DID do a grand gesture and apologize to me, I’d probably forgive him, but it’s probably best that I stop.

Just stop now.

“…you will discover…”

“…you will discover that making it legitimate has taken away the “zing” of unconventionality. The two of you lose interest in each other, and the affair dies.”

My astrology horoscope with ECW. (source: http://www.astro.com/; interactive partner chart)

“…you can confidently…”

“…you can confidently expect the unexpected. A relationship can flare up and then die with incredible speed. Indeed, if you are looking for a quiet, reliable, long-term association, this is probably not it.”

My astrology horoscope with ECW. (source: http://www.astro.com/; interactive partner chart)

Failing Friends with Benefits (Part 3)

The last (maybe) installment of Failing Friends with Benefits.

After a few months of me (occasionally) wondering if there was anything more there, I left the company that I shared with ECW and departed on a whirlwind month-long trip to Europe. (That’s another story for another time).

So I thought it was over. No more seeing him and being reminded of him.

Then via Facebook, two random messages from him in July. “Happy 4th” (ok, that’s normal) and “Hi!” I mean, seriously? 11:22pm. Out of the blue?

So in mid-August, I went to a dressy cocktail event with a friend and then to a nice dinner. I was a little bored so I decided to tease him a bit.

Side note, here’s the recipe for how to begin a Friends with Benefits.

Drink

• 1 bourbon + rum based drink
• 1 bourbon based drink
• 1 absinthe mint julep
• 3 large pours Oban and Talisker neat

Anyway, back to the main story. Well, teasing managed to turn into finding him at a happy hour that my old company was hosting.

Yes. That means old co-workers. Yes, including those who witnessed the previous happy hour.

By the time I arrived at the bar, I already, most definitely, had far too much to drink and my whole body language said “I want you NOW.” I supposedly kept it together, but not before my loving co-worker and friend, the very same who got thrown up on, attempted to take photos of ECW and me…

Toward the end of the night, everyone had disappeared and it was just me and him. I believe right before I noticed everyone had disappeared, he had said “hang on, let me get rid of everyone.”

Hooray.

ECW walked me home and well, you probably know what happens next. Let’s just say my memory is a bit spotty, but… he left sometime around 5am based on my messages to a friend.

Of course I was shocked at myself since I’ve never that aggressively just gone after a guy. Especially someone who knows other people that I know.

This whole part 3 happened within the past 2 weeks.

So now, let’s explain how this series relates to being a FwB… During this time, I thought, wait a minute, I have absolutely no interest in him on an emotional level, it’s purely physical. I knew I would not be interested in ECW long term…. So why not make this into a no strings attached, friends with benefits deal? We’re both single, we both have nothing to lose… Why not?

Well, we’ve been flirting over Facebook messages (seriously, I don’t even want to share my number with him, although I’m sure he could easily get it from another former co-worker). The messaging has been incredibly sexually suggestive on my part, but in almost a clever way, so nothing outrageously sexual.

Overall, it’s been fruitless. When he’s interested in seeing me, I’m not. When I’m interested, he’s not. It is not boding well. Hence…

Failing Friends with Benefits.

Ha.

How do I even get this thing started? Should I even bother? Why should he have the power in making me a booty call. I want to have that power. How do I bring the power over to me?

So before it begins, it ends.

What is Coffee Meets Bagel?

Launched in 2012 by 3 sisters, Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB) showed up in the New York dating scene and made me excited about dating again.

Essentially you connect to their system via Facebook and fill out a simple profile, including:

• Age
• Current City
• Home Country
• Ethnicity
• Nationality
• Religion
• Occupation
• Employer
• Education
• Height
• 4 sections with 3 blanks each “I am…”; “I look…”; “I like…”; “I appreciate when my date…”

Every day at 12noon, you get one “bagel” that you can either “like” or “pass” and you only have 24 hours to decide.

If you both “like” each other, then you’re automatically connected through a CMB phone line where you can exchange messages and see if you want to meet up. The phone line remains open for 7 days. If one or both people pass, you’re not connected.

Since being on the site, I’ve been linked with 4 people… (wow… you hate me THAT much?). Of the 4 people, I’ve met up with 2 guys. I’ll refer to later on as “Harvard Harvard” and “Trojan…”

More stories soon.

Failing Friends with Benefits (Part 2)

So the second installment of Failing Friends with Benefits get a little bit juicier. We last left off wondering if the handsy ex co-worker just likes to get with anything that walks.

Well, it wasn’t until a few months after the holiday party that we had another happy hour. At the bar, I avoided him for quite awhile but you know how you can occasionally sense when someone is looking at you? Well, I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face.

Somehow he managed to get over to me and began by putting his hand on my lower back and whispering very inappropriate things into my ear.

When I say inappropriate, I mean inappropriate. Letting me know when/where/what he would do with me at a work happy hour definitely counted as inappropriate.

Well after awhile, I announced that I needed to go to the bathroom. ECW responds with “is that an invitation?” I gave him a look and said no, and went into the basement of the restaurant to use the bathroom.

As I emerge from the ladies room, he’s “waiting” for the men’s room. I go “there’s no one in there” and pull the door open.

Immediately he grabs me and starts kissing me.

Why did I not resist??

Well, who knows what was going on in my head.

We were down there making out for quite awhile when I looked up to see my other co-worker standing next to is with her mouth open. My eyes widen and I say “THIS DID NOT HAPPEN” firmly into her face and run back upstairs.

We decide to go to another bar and ECW and I lag a bit behind. The next thing I know, we’re holding hands, making out in the street, and I’m being foolish.

We make it to the other bar and I sit down in a chair meant for 1 person. He comes, squeezes in next to me and puts my legs on his lap. Then he puts his head on my chest and promptly falls asleep. I couldn’t move so I just think “whatever.”

The next thing I know, the bouncer is pulling him off of me and telling him to go home. I went to join my other co-workers.

Later I find out, that one of my co-workers walked him out of the bar and in the process, ECW threw up on the side of that co-worker’s face and also outside onto his arm.

Classy classy.

The next day, nothing. Absolutely no reaction.

What a dick.

Failing Friends with Benefits (Part 1)

What does it mean to be in a Friends with Benefits (FwB) relationship? Well, after my last failed relationship (details on that later since I haven’t gotten around to writing about it), I decided I would take a new approach.

It took me a few weeks to figure out what that was, but essentially in a moment of boredom, I impulsively did something I would normally never do.

I texted an old co-worker.

Ok, sounds really tame (not to mention lame) but there’s a whole back story to it. This old co-worker (ECW for short) and I had some “history.”

Pre-FwB status, we never went for a romp, nope. Definitely not while we were still co-workers, but I think a drunken make out session counts for something?

So, the back story – part 1.

I had started at this new job last summer and my friend, fresh from her own office romance, asked me if I felt anyone at my new office was worth pursuing.

I named one guy. And not because I thought he was charming, or we had much in common, but in reality I just had a strange draw to him. I really didn’t think much more about it.

Well, at a company happy hour months later, he made it quite clear he was interested in me as I found his hand on my bare thigh. Me, stupidly tipsy, allowed this to happen. (Bad alcohol, bad!) The next thing I know, he’s whispering into my ear telling me he’s into me, that it doesn’t seem like he’s paying attention (to me) at the office, but he really is, etc. Then he’s apologizing for putting his hands all over me, up the back of my shirt, up my shorts, on my ass… I was far too gone to even say a thing. What makes it worse – I was enjoying it!!!

I left the event before we could drunkenly go further in front of our co-workers.

I actually walked out of the bar with his boss, and told her about her subordinate being “handsy” without going into detail. She said he’s always like that (me: disappointment) so I didn’t think much of it more.

Except the next day at work I looked up from my computer screen and guess who was the only person in the whole office I could clearly see facing me: yes, ECW.

FML.

Of course in my insane imagination I thought that he would corner me in the break room when no one was around, push me against a wall and we’d start to make out.

Wishful thinking.

Months went by and I didn’t think much of it. I wasn’t emotionally attracted to the guy, it was purely physical. We had nothing in common as I found when I got to know him at work. In fact, while his mannerisms were generally “nice guy” his attitude was a bit douchebag.

So, I really didn’t think more about him except when the company holiday party began to near.

I thought: this is it, we’re going to pick up where we left off.

He was found making out with another co-worker from a satellite office.

Me: …seriously…?

So that was the end of part 1. I just closed the book, but it wouldn’t be another few months before there were more developments.

Trojan (Horse)

In early July I was connected with a nice looking guy on Coffee Meets Bagel. It was busy month for me. I was traveling to Chicago quite a bit and it was a struggle to schedule time for a date. So, because we had to push it so far back, I had lost momentum for being excited about the date, particularly on the day of the date.

So this is how I began my 1 week, 15 hour (5 hour each) fling with the Trojan (Horse).

Date 1: Monday

After a long day at the office, all I wanted to do was go home, put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and eat ice cream on my couch. I even said this to my boss.

Well instead, I went home, freshened up, and went to a cute speakeasy type bar and waited for the guy.

He arrived and we hit it off immediately. We talked everything from where we grew up, what we liked, travels, family. It just felt so comfortable. After 2 drinks, he asked if I wanted dinner and I agreed and so we went to get some food.

Oh, so I nicknamed him “Trojan” because he went to USC. Fitting for this tale.

Anyway, after a great meal at a casual and cozy hole in the wall, we go to look for a cab so I can head home. Unfortunately (or was it “fortunately”!?) I wasn’t able to find one so he asks if I wanted another drink. We go to a casual Mexican place where I got us some Lagunitas.

I left the date feeling pretty good about it. Especially when he messaged me for another date nearly immediately.

Date 2: Wednesday

So for the second date, I suggested that we go see Argo at Hudson River Flicks. I go home, change, pack some snacks, and then head over to the park. He had found a nice spot, so I laid out my blanket and we laid out chatting. The movie starts and it begins to get cold, so he’s trying to keep me warm. We end up going to dinner nearby, he wants to kill me because I’m walking around with a blanket around my shoulders (it was cold!) but he thought I “looked homeless.” (In retrospect: what a dick).

He ends up walking me all the way home and I don’t let him come upstairs, but he kisses me. Hm. That kiss was pretty bad… but maybe it was just a bad first kiss?

Date 3: Sunday

So for our third date, he suggested that we go to the High Line. He was new-ish to the city and hadn’t been yet. So we meet, walk through the High Line, stop in at a restaurant for him to grab a bite to eat (I had eaten earlier). Then we walked over to Chelsea Piers where he and I kissed (hmm… more on that later), then walked to the High Line Hotel to get coffee at Intelligentsia.

After that, he went home from 9th Ave and I walked home.

“Random” Run-in: Wednesday the week after

From then, I hadn’t heard from him in 3 days after the last date. I figured he had ghosted out on me. I did some snooping and saw that he may attend a happy hour on a hotel rooftop. I went. What happened? YES, I ran into him.

It was incredibly awkward. Again, in retrospect, I was the one that made it awkward. I pretended like I was hesitant to see him. I didn’t play it cool and just overall acted weird. I kind of wish I had played it off like whatever. I tried to message him to fix it, but it didn’t work. It was done.

Ok, but can you teach a guy how to kiss?

It’s a hard question. I have to wonder how many woman that “Trojan” had kissed. Had he ever gotten any feedback? I mean… open your mouth a little, um, get a little bit more moisture in there… like… that is a really really really bad kiss.

Good Riddance

3 dates, 15 hours total, 3 VERY BAD kisses… and 1 awkward run in at a hotel rooftop party, it was over. The whirlwind romance was over. He was a Trojan (Horse).

 

 

Hilarious Quips From OkCupid (Part 6)

Creativity at its best.

Good luck with that.

I actually have no idea what he’s talking about.

Recap from “My Last Minute Date”

The last time I truly posted on this blog, I was talking about a guy that seemed to be promising. From what I remember, I actually ended up going on 3 dates with him. Not bad, but enough to tell me that I wasn’t interested.

Let’s recap.

For Date 1 he met me in Madison Square Park and he had FLOWERS. The poor sap brought me roses. (Which is why I sometimes refer to him as “Roses”). Talk about the pressure is ON. Let me tell you, the one thing I truly believe in is: casual first dates. When there’s too much pressure on a first date, everything always seems to be doomed.

I’m trying to rack my brain about what I originally liked about this guy from talking to him. I think mostly the fact that he was kind of nerdy. Well that translated to a lot of nerdy when I met him. That’s cool though, I’m a power nerd at heart too.

Well he had driven to the city, and wanted to take me to a tapas restaurant (which is still my favorite tapas place in the city). Well, it’s literally down my street, although several blocks from my apartment. The poor guy was so nervous he kept making the wrong turn. It was kind of silly… I think he was practically shaking in the car. I like that I have the ability to make someone shake and be nervous, but this was absurd (and I love that’s what sticks out most in my memory).

Dinner itself was unmemorable, but I do remember we set up a second date to go to a Mexican place uptown for brunch. That was pretty plain. Nothing special (again, don’t remember much).

The third date was THE WORST. The poor guy couldn’t get up the nerve to even touch me (like even put his arm around me, touch my back when we were walking etc.). We ended up going to a garden and walking around. It was ok, but in all honesty, the poor guy was so nervous it was like talking to… what I recall saying multiple times to multiple people – CARDBOARD. Maybe a brick wall?

Of course this is a problem for people who are trying to date – nothing to say!

So it’s obvious that this did not work out.

Thoughts: Poor guy did not have a chance. The poor guy needs to get over his nervousness!