Another WTF Moment…

I got this message today:

Seriously?

To make it worse, here are his stats:

46 / M / Straight / Single

DUDE YOU COULD BE MY DAD.

Ok first of all, label yourself as “the elderly” ew. Secondly, ew. This is all too creepy for me. And wtf kind of message is that?

Date #3: “Jersey Shore”

Went on my third date. I had been calling this one a “pity date” (sadly) all week because I really had no reason to turn the guy down, but I also had no reason to say yes, but in all cases, I felt it wouldn’t hurt to go out with the guy.

Rundown – white, 30, grew up on the Jersey shore (hence the nickname), engineer, ivy-educated, masters degree.

Went to a dessert place in the LES. I went in and sat down and started reading a book. He walks in and I literally make sure no one hugs me this time by sticking out my hand and saying, “Oh hi, I’m ‘Anon.'” He shakes my hand and we talk a little about the dessert place before going to order.

I order the bread pudding, he orders tiramisu.

The people at dessert place asked me if I’ve ever eaten there, and I say, “yes, when it was at another location” then they make kind of a big deal and then say “can we take a photo of you to put on our photo wall?” Uh… so now there’s this random photo of me and a guy I just met on their wall… awesome…

We go sit down in the window seat, and weirdly, he sits really far away from me. We start talking, and the conversation goes ok.

He’s not much of a conversationalist. Awkward pauses here and there, but nothing too terrible. I was probably talking quite loudly because I was trying to get over how awkward the situation was… so I was probably annoying the people next to us.

In the end I told him I’d have to cut it short since I needed to go home and do some work (which is actually true), but also because the date was dragging on. We walked out and he said he’d walk me to the subway (um, he had a car and he didn’t offer to drive me home).

Walked me to the subway, and just said “It was nice meeting you, keep in touch” and then walked down.

Again, nothing to dislike, but nothing to like either. Completely neutral date…

Thoughts: He was nice, but we were not compatible. No spark, no nothing. Completely neutral. Not sure if I’d even be friends with him in a normal situation. Nice but a little too boring.

Hilarious Quips From OkCupid (Part 5)

Ever more.

Yes, please leave it up to the professionals.

These are really random irrational fears.

I like to pretend that animals talk in certain voices too...

This guy actually had photos of him in costume!

Date #2: “Brooklyn”

When things go really well, do you ever get nervous? I do. I am always afraid that things are only going to go horribly horribly wrong.

This especially happens when I actually feel like I like someone. Why do I feel this way? History has proven that things just go horribly wrong (horrible track record).

So, date #2 went really well.

Here’s the run down – Indian – born and raised (and currently resides) in Brooklyn – Ivy education – good job – foodie – cooks – intelligent.

Met him at a coffeehouse. He was a little late (but texted me to tell me). So ok, that’s acceptable.

Get up to order – he doesn’t drink coffee! *sob! I love a good cup of latte! Win #1: He insisted on paying (GOOD JOB!)

Get a spot to sit, then we chat for about 2 hours. We didn’t run out of anything to say, we had so much to talk about. It was really really great. I didn’t feel awkward, it was pleasant and concise.

After 2 hours, he asked if I was hungry and we went off to Greenwich Village. Walking down the street – he put his arm around me a few times (only for a few seconds at a time) – acceptable, but a little bold.

We ended up eating Greek tapas. Ordered 4 dishes. Found out he didn’t eat pork (NOOOO MY DIET IS ENCIRCLED AROUND PORK!) but had a long conversation as well.

He insisted on paying again (yay! good job!).

We left and he walked me home. There it was a hug goodbye, a kiss on the cheek… then he asked when I was free next (he’s away on business most weeks).

Then, here’s the bold part: he kissed me (quickly) on the lips.

Hmmm… bold mister, very very bold. I didn’t see that coming, and I wasn’t quite there yet. Ok, it wasn’t like you were asking to make out (phew), but it was still quite bold.

Thoughts: Because I had promised myself I’d be as honest and unfiltered as possible when I write this blog (since it’s “anonymous” and all… I’ll say that I’m not going to be nice right now. In fact, it’s just going to come off downright mean. I can’t help that I thought these things. I’d like to think that I’m a good person (so I hope this doesn’t change your feelings about me!).

Critique – we had discussed being well dressed earlier (online) and I was surprised when he came and he was dressed in what I’d consider to be “dad” jeans and Nike sneakers that a fobby dad would wear. I had expected him to be a smooth dresser. Also, he had really poor posture while sitting… I felt like he was sinking lower and lower into the seat… (I always sit on the edge of my seat so I have proper posture when I meet someone… a little something I picked up when I realized how ugly I look slouched over).

My last thing that I need to just get over? He’s Indian. I’ve never really been attracted to Indian guys. I thought that “Brooklyn” was good looking and attractive, but whether or not I was ATTRACTED, that is a whole other story.

Final thought though? I did like him. He was a lot of things that I wanted. He was able to hold a conversation, act normally. I didn’t feel awkward and I really enjoyed myself.

Again though, when things go right, I always feel nervous that they’re going to go incredibly wrong next.

No FOBs Need Apply

I’m a snob. I admit it. I may not always use 100% proper grammar, but if my dominant language is going to be English, your dominant language better be English too (or be pretty damn good).

Just read it.

I resisted the urge to throw up when I read this…

Seriously?

No... seriously?

These messages were from the same person. I hope you understand why I wanted to throw up. I mean seriously. I am not going to respond to improper grammar.

It’s always the attractive ones…

So what I’ve noticed lately is that there’s an influx of online dating commercials. It’s always filled with lovely looking attractive people (who in real life, would probably not be on an online dating site…). Here’s a cute one though.

Hilarious Quips From OkCupid (Part 4)

More quips.

There ARE a lot of creepsters out there...

I LOVE Mr. Winkle!!

Ok, wouldn't this be called a HAND JOB? not a MASSAGE?

Why would you pretend a cat... vacuum... what?

Date #1: “J-Dino”

So I went on my first date with someone I had met online.

I’m going to refer to him as “J-Dino” because when I describe him, I say he’s Jewish and then… well if you read on, you will understand the “Dino” part.

Rundown: Jewish, private LSAT tutor, quirky humor, raised in Long Island, college in the city.

In all the emails, the guy was very nice. When I met him, my first thought was “oh, he looks shorter than I thought.” That’s unfortunate. He hugged me when I went up to him. I didn’t expect that.

It’s like: “Whoa there, back up mister. This is the first time I’m meeting you”.

I met up with him at a ping pong club in the Flatiron area. It was packed, so we put our names down and then went to Shake Shack to get custard. [Today’s custard was Coffee and Donuts]. The line took forever, and I was having trouble meeting his eyes when we chatted. That’s what happens when I’m uninterested, I have trouble meeting someone’s eyes when they talk…

He was also having a little trouble controlling the volume of his voice. I felt like everyone around us was listening in…

So, we had custard at Shake Shack. I was a little concerned when he didn’t try to at least pay for mine (it’s $3.50 for pete’s sake…). We chatted about travels, random things about animals (what’s the difference between an alpaca and a llama?) and about the future (will we still use keyboards, or will we communicate telepathically?).

At one point we were discussing Avatar and he says something along the lines of “if we could combine human and another species blood, I’d want to be a dinosaur. I’d like to be a t-rex or velociraptor. I talk about these things because I have a 10 year old brother. That’s probably why I’m a little off…”

Me: Oh. A “little.”

Hence “J-Dino.”

It was an ok conversation, but I’m not sure how natural the conversation was… I guess I’m usually an awkward person at first, but this time it seemed ok, minus the part when I couldn’t meet his eyes… hahahaa. Oh man… awkward.

So then we went to the ping pong club, it was $20 for half an hour. I coughed up $10 and so did he. No insistence on covering my share… so there goes $13.50 today…  Besides the point. So we’re playing ping pong. Luckily the place was pretty loud, so there was more just random playing of ping pong, rather than talking in general.

End of the night? We walked out and I said “oh, are you taking the 6 train home?” (Read: Please go home now)

He said yes, but he said he could walk me home.

Me: [Pause for 30 seconds to formulate what I wanted to say]

I said: “Sure ok, it’s only 2 blocks away.” (I mean how bad could 2 blocks be?) We walked to my apartment, where he then hugged me again and was like “I had a nice time”-type conversation…

Thoughts: He was a little odd. Nice, but odd. I do like odd, but maybe this wasn’t my type of odd? The biggest nono was when he didn’t at least offer to pay. I mean, I’m ok if the guy tries and I insist to pay, but this was just odd. It was like the “testing the waters” date which I HATE (I’ve gone through it one too many times). Vain thoughts? He was shorter than I imagined from his photos. I think he photoshopped his photo a bit. He also had a slightly irritating unnatural sounding laugh. I wasn’t sure if I was funny or he was laughing because he thought it was polite, but then he did this laugh a lot, so I think his laugh was just… like that?

So will I follow-up. I’ll probably thank him for a fun time, but if he asks for another date, tell him that he was nice, but I think we might be a little wrong for each other in that way, but would be ok with being friends. I guess being “blunt” is the best option.

Hilarious Quips From OkCupid (Part 3)

There are just so many…

oh tequilaaa

Interesting hair...

I love chipmunks!

A lot of people make this mistake...!