Oh no, the Small Banana returns

About a year and a half, two years ago, I dated this guy I had met at my friend’s birthday party. He was a little bit older (29 – I was 25) and we had hit it off at the party. At the party, I was trying to convince my friend to go to yoga with me, and he volunteered himself to join me.

So, I did my first and LAST yoga date ever. We went to ramen afterwards, and I felt absolutely disgusting. Anyway, we went on a few dates after that, nothing big… um, and I’m not just referring to the dates, also to his um, equipment.

Ok, I really shouldn’t go there, the poor guy, I was nice for the most part about it, but I phased him out completely within a little over a month.

Anyway, I had joined a mentorship program and on day 1, right after I had met my mentee for the first time ever… I spotted him… meeting his mentee for the first time.

Of course, I went with my first gut reaction.

I hid.

Behind my mentee.

She was like “what are you doing!?” (as nicely as you could say it to someone you had just met).

“That guy! That guy over there! I dated him a few years ago!”

Of course he saw me. How could he not? We were going on the same trip up state with all the mentees. Of course he came over to talk to me like “hello how are you?” and creepily ask if I still lived in the same apartment… (ooh, chills just thinking about it).

Sigh, it’s going to be a long year in the mentorship program.

Love, Anon.

Vacant Girlfriend Position for the unlikely playboy – “Harvard Harvard”

I had a lot of great one liners for this one, but he took me for a bit of a spin because I was a little bit shocked when it came to an abrupt halt.

I had matched with him on Coffee Meets Bagel. The first guy that I had matched and spoken to in fact.

We set up our first date to go to Basta Pasta – which actually, now looking back at it, dinner dates for first dates are never a good idea. You really have no opportunity for an out.

Luckily, it turned out fine. He was a bit nerdy but we had quite a bit in common. The big red flag – with all Harvard men I’ve found – is when they drop the H-bomb early on. Not only did this one go to Harvard once, but he went to Harvard twice (undergrad and masters).

Well, we went on a few great dates, he even made me a copy of Jiro Dreams of Sushi. We walked around, we talked, I met his roommate briefly and managed to dig up zero dirt. Oh well.

Eventually we ended up on date #4.

Well, things were very off on date #4, but I am pretty good at reading the signs now: he was on the outs.

Soon thereafter I received an email – yes, AN EMAIL – from him that was a long paragraph and written slightly like a job opening rejection email. See below:

I wanted to apologize for things being a little off on Tuesday. I was hesitant to be too close cause I was actually very unsure of how I was feeling about us. I’ve had some time to think about it since then, and when it comes down to it, I just don’t feel like we are the match i’m looking for right now. While there are lots of things that do mesh well and feel comfortable, i feel like part of our interactions feels a bit forced, which doesn’t really line up with the type of relationship i’m looking for. Ultimately, with these thoughts and schedule, I didn’t want to mislead you going forward. I’m sorry if i’ve disappointed you, but I think this is best right now.

I AGONIZED over what to write back.

I got the awesome advice to just not give him the time of day, so finally I went with:

“Cool. See you around then.”

Really though, let’s not see you around.

Later after some thought, I realized that I was duped! The whole situation with Harvard Harvard felt like I was interviewing for a vacant girlfriend position. He had an idea of the right candidate and this whole dating thing has little authenticity. It was just a formal interview process over time and I had gotten to round 4 before receiving a form-like rejection letter for the role…

Really? Yes, really.

Gotta watch out for those guys who sound like they have a script of conversation…

Love,
Anon